Today is June 26, 2022 /
By the time you are reading this, you should have your child’s b’nai mitzvah date confirmed by the Education Director. This date corresponds to a parashah (Torah portion) that your child will read at their b’mitzvah. This parashah is the same reading from the Torah that takes place in every synagogue in the world on that Shabbat. As time continues, your child will become more and more familiar with what that parashah is about, as they will eventually write a d’var Torah (“word of Torah,” also called midrash, ’drash, or sermon) to teach the community on their special day. How much they will read, and how that will look on the day, will all take form over the next year.
Your child either has been or will be assigned a tutor shortly after the first meeting. This might be a Dartmouth student, a teacher from the school, or a member of our community. Tutoring should begin approximately one year prior to the b’mitzvah date. Once you have your tutor’s name, we suggest you make arrangements immediately to begin a schedule of meetings. Meeting once a week is preferred to help your child with the process of learning without feeling rushed. The hourly rate for a tutor is $25; or $30 for highly experienced tutors. That wage is paid directly to the tutor—Kol Ha’Emek neither participates in nor profits from those transactions. We just make a shidduch (match).
Your family must be members in good standing of the Kol Ha’Emek congregation. Specifically, you must hold a family membership and have paid your Hebrew School tuition for the year in which the b’mitzvah takes place. After the simcha, students are expected to continue with their class until the end of the year and/or switch to Jew Crew. If you need to make contact with our treasurer for any reason, his contact information is:
There is no fee charged by the rabbi, nor for any services performed by the director of education during this time. However, there are extra costs associated with the b’mitzvah concerning the building maintenance (or transporting the Torah, lectern, siddurim, ritual items, etc. to an off-campus location) and many other details that will be handled for you. It is customary to make a donation to Kol Ha’Emek in honor of the b’mitzvah that minimally is $400.
We understand that there are many financial demands on families, and we will work with you to help ease this within our community, but we can only do so if you express concerns that you might have. Let us help to focus this day on the celebration, not the finances.
Your child’s “parsha book” will contain cantillation information they will use during to learn the Maftir (their Torah reading) as well as the Haftarah (Prophetic readings) both of which are chanted. The book will become a very useful tool during the tutoring process.
Please check the calendar of b’nai mitzvot for your child’s class, so you may see the dates of the classmates’ b’nai mitzvot, to make plans to attend, or to have a class list in the event that you wish to plan a party that could involve the members of the class. These dates are at the right of this page according the current Jewish Year.
We ask that you and your child attend, at minimum, five Shabbat morning services in the course of that year, and three b’mitzvah celebrations, as well. This will make the actual b’mitzvah service familiar and ease some anxiety about the experience. The more they know, the less nervous they will be.
Your child will choose their b’nai mitzvah project that can be finished in the year that they prepare for their b’nai mitzvah service. You may discuss ideas for these projects with the Education Director, Rabbi, or tutor. Also, we have developed a “project bank” and there are many ideas online.
The Education Director will monitor your child’s progress and check in with the tutor regularly up until 8 weeks before the b’mitzvah date. At that time, your child will begin to meet with Rabbi once a week for a private tutoring/review time. These lessons will take place in the sanctuary so that your child will begin to experience what they sound like in that larger space and help ease some potential anxiety. Being familiar with the process and experiencing it in the sanctuary will make everything much more enjoyable for you and your child.
You should begin the process of deciding who will participate in reading the blessings before the Torah, opening the ark, and lifting and tying the Torah. The list of honors should be sent to the director at least 1 week before the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
Please choose a member of the board of trustees to bestow your child’s gift from the congregation during the service. If you don’t know anyone on the board and would prefer to have the Education Director or a teacher from the school do this, please let us know.
It is traditional for parents to give a blessing to the new b’mitzvah at the conclusion of the service. Sometimes a grandparent will give a blessing at the beginning of the service while bestowing the new tallit on the student. These blessings are short (no more than 2 minutes) and should be addressed to the student, not the congregation.
Since the doors are locked, we have a system of greeting people who come for services. We welcome in folks we know personally, and those we don’t are asked who they are, their purpose in coming, and to provide a photo id. If someone from your family who knows everyone coming can help with this, that’s easiest. If not, we can provide “tickets” for you to give your guests so that we don’t have to ask them those questions.
The Roth Center parking lot can hold 30 cars. Your guests may not park on Occom Ridge, but parking on Webster Avenue or at the Dartmouth lot on Maynard Street is fine.
No photography is allowed in the sanctuary on Shabbat. Rabbi is available for photos the day before the ceremony. In special circumstances of illness, videotaping has been approved in the past. If you anticipate a need for this, please contact the rabbi directly.
It’s customary for families to provide flowers to beautify the sanctuary space. Instead of flowers, you may wish to consider a bimah basket, a beautiful arrangement of food that can be donated afterwards–an act not only of beautifying the mitzvah but also of tzedakah. Contact Carolyn Gordon at Carolyn.S.Gordon@Dartmouth.edu for more information on bimah baskets.
Plenty of kippot and tallisim are available at the Roth Center for congregants and guests attending the service. Some families order personalized kippot online for a remembrance of the day.
It is also important that your child have a tallit to wear on the big day. Some have a family tallit handed down from a grand or great-grandparent. Some have one made specially for the occasion. Here is a photo of a group of cousins whose tallisim were all custom made using fabric from the neckties of their grandfather who had passed away. They were “wrapped in his love” even though he could not be there with them.
Some families choose to have the congregation “shower” the b’nai mitzvah student after s/he finishes chanting the haftarah. This is an optional tradition, and if you choose to observe it, we recommend choosing a soft kosher candy so that it doesn’t hurt if it hits the student or the rabbi. For example, Sunkist Fruit Gems https://www.economycandy.com/product/sunkist-fruit-gems/
Kol Ha’Emek will provide cups and tablecloths; the family is responsible for providing challah, wine and grape juice for the kiddush after the service. Typically one needs two challahs (more if there are over 80 people), one regular sized (750 ml) bottle of Manischewitz kosher wine for every 50 wine-drinking adults, and one half gallon of kosher grape juice for every 50 juice-drinkers.
Please see the separate explanation of food policies and the Roth Center kitchen use. The caterers below will not use the Roth Center kitchen, but they are familiar with our policies and understand where their food can be placed, respecting the level of kashrut maintained in the building as well. We will not endorse or refer to any specific caterer, but do know that the following companies have worked with the Roth Center in the past.
Aroma Catering Vt. Mandy Traineanu 802-376-9552
Coventry Catering Lynn or Daniel Caple 603.252.5605
Maple Street Catering 802.296.2400
Because there is no janitorial staff on Saturday, we ask that you make arrangements to clean up after the ceremony, kiddush, and/or luncheon. Please remove all food and tablecloths. Dartmouth maintenance staff will store the tables and chairs the following day. Please designate someone to return all siddurim and chumashim to the shelves.
After the simcha
We work hard to ensure that your teen’s journey in Judaism does not end with the b’nai mitzvah celebration. We want and expect them to continue learning and developing their Jewish identities. There are many opportunities to do this: